Melbourne in January—The first Grand Slam is in full swing and the city is in the last stages of preparation for the 2006 Commonwealth Games. The temperature is over 33°C and we are following Noakes’ first law of hydration: only drink when you are thirsty. Thankfully, Noakes’ second law states that drinking does not need to be limited to commercial sports drinks, and the Australian palate is permanently parched, so we don’t do too badly.

The radio commentator is interviewing the Artistic Director of the Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony and asks how large an audience is expected to witness this spectacular event. “A wide global audience, England and, of course, the other European Commonwealth countries” comes back the answer. Naming the other nine European “countries” involved in these games was obviously too taxing, but in a nation that is obsessed with …